5 Tips for Supporting Trans Kids During the Trump Administration
(Photo: Aiden Craver)
It’s tough to live in a country that denies your right to be yourself.
One of the first executive orders made by President Trump during his second term was aimed at restricting gender-affirming care for people under the age of 19. He did this despite multiple studies showing that gender-affirming care and hormone-replacement therapy for trans youth improves their mental health and may literally save their lives. Luckily, this executive order has been paused by a federal judge, however the situation remains pretty grim.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the current administration is waging a war against transgender people, and transgender youth in particular.
If you are a parent, an older sibling, or a guardian of a transgender child, I know that this reality breaks your heart. But if you are reading this, your child is lucky. I was a trans kid whose family didn’t support them, and didn’t search for ways to protect me. I also lived in Eastern Europe, where the attitude toward trans people was even worse than in modern-day America, so I know how difficult this can be. I hope my tips for supporting the trans kids in your life will be useful for you.
Be honest.
One of the things that the Trump administration is trying to do is isolate young people from information. So speak with your kids about transphobia and the problem that the current administration created in a way that they can understand. Speaking honestly about what’s happening is an act of rebellion itself. Moreover, it’s good to discuss reality for safety reasons—better to be you who initiates this conversation than a MAGA adult (such as a teacher at school) or social media trolls.
Make your family trans-friendly.
Big changes always begin with a small step. Even if you can’t make all of America safe, you can make your home a trans-friendly safe haven. Never misgender or dead name your child, and don’t let other family members do this either. Let your kid invite their queer friends home, choose safer schooling options (like homeschooling, if it’s feasible for your family), and support their activism. Give your child the agency they deserve.
Question notions of “femininity” and “masculinity.”
Actually, I believe that all ideas about femininity and masculinity are toxic if they are pushed on people. Why does our society need the model of what a “real man” should look like? Trans boys are real boys, and influencers like Andrew Tate are just pathetic guys who restrict themselves and others. At the same time, don’t push your child to accept your ideas of what it means to be queer (even if you are queer yourself). If your trans son is a masculine dude, and your trans little sister adores Disney Princesses and everything pink, let them have it all. This is their life, after all.
Discuss personal privacy.
As a teen, I met my real friends online, and many queer kids—including Elon Musk’s estranged trans daughter Vivian—have the same experience. For some trans kids, online communication can be life-saving, and the desire to be visible online may be their only way to fight oppression, while others may put their privacy and safety above everything and refuse even to have social media pages. All decisions are valid.
Learn from history together.
This is not the first time queer communities in America have been oppressed. If your young person is interested in this kind of thing, learn together about the battles trans activists won in the past and the struggles they were facing. It can also be helpful to learn more about the LGBTQ+ rights movement, the civil rights movement, indigenous people’s fight for their rights across the globe, different waves of feminism, and the disability and neurodiversity movements. In all of these histories, there was suffering, but there were also a lot of victories. These stories provide hope and inspiration.
If you’re looking for additional resources, there are a lot of great books for trans youth to read, from young adult horror books with trans protagonists—Like Hell Followed With Usand Compound Fracture by Andrew Joseph White. These books deal not just with monsters and ghosts, but with such topics as religious bigotry and radicalization in America. You can also suggest autobiographies of trans kids. Jazz Jennings has two: I Am Jazz for younger children and Being Jazz for teenagers.
And, of course, there are a lot of social media accounts (for example: Violet Stanza on TikTok and Lyric Rivera, known as Neurodivergent Rebel on Instagram—especially if your child is neurodivergent), as well as websites like The Trevor Project that support trans people and trans youth specifically. It’s likely that your child knows other supportive accounts and sites you’ve never heard of. Ask them. Most importantly, ask the trans youth in your life exactly how you can support them. After all, the best thing any ally can do is listen.
